Spring Cleaning - Anatomy of a Descent

I don’t usually walk around feeling like a POS, nor do I consciously believe that I am. However, the circumstances in which I’d placed myself this past year brought several opportunities for lots of old beliefs and feelings to surface.

These last few months I experienced several back-to-back events in my encounters with others that surprised me and poked on some deep core wounds I thought I’d worked through—those nooks and crannies buried in the corners of the damp, dark basement that I’d missed during last years’ “spring cleaning.”

For months I felt like I couldn’t find my words (and if you know me, you know I usually have LOTS of words) as though I was in some sort of black hole or void—yes, that liminal space like the chrysalis. My clarity and confidence went by the wayside. I felt awkward and vulnerable and slow as if trudging through tar. I contracted, went quiet, hid out—it's my instinct to do so during dark, cold winters but this time felt different. I can “know” all day long that this is the nature of change and growth but the actual experience is not exactly comfortable. It’s murky and messy and challenging at times. Ugh. I can be murky and messy and challenging at times. Sometimes I feel uncertain, confused, lost. Sometimes I feel like everything I say or do is wrong.

My work in the world for more than 15 years has been supporting others through their own healing process—bringing what is held in the unconscious to conscious awareness—into the light of day with acceptance and compassion. I am finding that it is how we treat ourselves while we are healing and growing that is the crux of the matter. Our judgments are what keep us stuck in the old stories. Virtually everyone I’ve worked with (including me) unconsciously judges how they feel, what they think, what’s happening or did happen, what someone else did or didn’t do and are frustrated with why something is still “there.” I’ve come to believe that our bodies hold things in “safekeeping” until our spirits know we are strong enough for another layer to release. Man, oh man, who thought up this gig—this human experience??????

As far as my own “stuff,” I can intellectualize with the best of ‘em all day long. At the end of the day, I am a continual work in progress just like every other human I know and the cliches hold true—the only way out is through. When I’m “in it,” I feel utterly alone. When I surface, I know that I’m not. Most of us are more alike than we realize below outer appearances. I do know that my capacity to walk into and through the things that challenge or scare me increases my capacity to be with others as they do the same. The more I accept and forgive in myself, the more generosity I have toward others. The other side of “through” is real freedom. Yet, there is always another layer—no final “tada,” dammit.

After a big build up of pressure, this past weekend brought a relatively quick but powerful snow storm, and along with it all of those old feelings arrived with a vengeance. I felt the weight of the storm and a sense of climbing out of my skin. This is where the rubber meets the road, Julie. I am committed to walking my talk so, down, down, down into the basement I went…

Fortunately, I had the time, space and solitude to put the tools I use for others into practice for myself. I didn’t resist. I softened and let the feelings come. Emotions. E + motion = energy in motion. I stayed present rather than distracting myself—always so tempting though not effective long-term. I wrote out every deepest, darkest fear, every judgment and self-criticism, in a stream of words through wave after wave of tears. I saw this life like a hologram from the beginning until now, seeing clearly that I misinterpreted the painful things that happened to me repeatedly in my young life to mean that I am a damaged POS. I recognized that the way I have conducted myself in virtually all my relationships—friendships, romances, work, parenting—was predicated on that mostly unconscious belief. It freaking hurt. I held that vulnerable part of me with tenderness, compassion and understanding. I kept going until all that was moving ran its course.

Three days of snow brought much-needed moisture and then the storm passed. The sun returned, the snow melted, the birds returned to singing—as they always do. Little bits of green appeared through spots of melted snow. I showered, put on some music, made a nice meal, climbed out of that metaphorical basement and stood in the sun, breathed deeply, cried some more as the energy continued to move, though more gently. I reached out to a couple of close, trusted friends and let myself be seen and heard and accepted—not always easy for me but such a gift. I have more breathing room inside myself. I now feel all the way down to my bones that things that I experienced long ago--that others said or did--is not who I am. I am so, so grateful.

Spring—the season of renewal—has sprung.

Ready? Set? Grow!

As my “other mother” in childhood used to say, “the sap is rising.” Can you feel it—the flux, the churning, the yearning for new life?

Would you benefit from support in your growth? I’m opening my schedule for a few new clients who are ready to break through and truly bloom in their lives beginning the week of the spring equinox (March 19th).

For more than 15 years, I’ve struggled to put words to my one-on-one work with people—the “elevator pitch” of what I do. I once had a client tell me that he didn’t understand what I did, he just knew he felt better when he left.

First and foremost, my “why” is to point others to their own wisdom, so that they are truly empowered in their lives. From my view, that is the ground from which one can experience a sense of freedom, joy, fulfillment, creative expression, inner stability and inner peace, regardless of fluctuating outer circumstances. And outer circumstances are always fluctuating, aren’t they—just like the weather and the seasons?

Now, I’m particularly focused on sharing different tools so clients can create sustainable, lasting change—inside and out.

I wholeheartedly believe the old adage, “when two or more are gathered.” I’ve seen what happens time and time again when two (or more) come together to honor their heart and soul with time and attention—much less important than any particular method (though I have a few that I use and enjoy).

According to the feedback I’ve received over the years, in my presence, you get to experience:

Feeling safe so that: You relax. You feel at ease in your own skin—at home in your body. When you relax, intuitive and creative guidance naturally arises.

Feeling seen so that: You clearly see yourself in your wholeness and perfection. Then, we can address learned habits and patterns and upgrade them to reflect who you are now and where you intend to go.

Feeling heard so that: You hear your own inner guidance and deep sense of knowing. You learn to discern truth from background noise.

Feeling accepted so that: You accept and integrate all parts of yourself as you are right now with compassion and understanding— experiencing wholeness—the true definition of healing in my view.

Feeling inspired so that: excitement for possibilities move you through fear and trepidation (a normal and natural indicator of growth!). You live and breathe from what lights you up from the inside—that burning desire that just won’t leave you alone or that thing you can’t not do regardless of the stories your mind (or others) may tell you.

Feeling courageous so that: you actually take the steps that move you forward in alignment with your soul’s yearnings. You follow your heart—(the root of the word courage is cor – the Latin word for heart) and use your mind for implementing what your heart directs, balancing being and doing.

Feeling empowered so that: You take responsibility as the creator/creatrix of your life, your work, your relationships and hold true to your vision and values. (And I’ll hold you to your vision and values when fear and doubt creep in.)

Are you ready to create your unique expression in this world—your new life? Curious about working with me? Reach out to explore the possibilities by DM, text or email (www.juliegentry.com).

Ready? Set? Grow!

Image from Colette Baron-Reid’s card deck, Wisdom of the Oracle

New Offerings in 2024--Transformational Life Coaching

Hello and welcome to 2024! I hope this finds you healthy and happy.

I am now certified as a transformational life coach through the Institute of Coaching Mastery after completing a year-long training. (I became certified as a Jungian coach in 2021.)

It has been my honor and joy over the last fifteen + years to support others in one-on-one sessions to heal and grow through different energy therapy modalities (BodyTalk and Red Hat Lineage Qigong).

I describe my work as evoking clarity, compassion and courage—clarity by bringing unconscious thoughts, beliefs and emotions to conscious awareness, then gently guiding my clients to offer compassion to themselves for those patterns and to access the courage to move forward toward more freedom, creativity and joy.

It is now understood that at best, only 20% of what drives and motivates us is in our conscious awareness. The remaining 80% resides in the unconscious which can be held in the body.

My past work has helped facilitate the process of uncovering what is held in the unconscious by tapping into the innate wisdom that each of us possess. Most of us have blocks or blindspots that prevent us from moving forward on our own. The process utilizes an interface between a client and practitioner's intuitive sense of knowing--deep presence and listening. Countless times over the years I've heard clients express that they knew "something" was there, they just couldn't see it.

(To get more of a feel for me and my work and to read testimonials, feel free to explore this website: www.juliegentry.com.)

As my work—and you and I—have evolved over the years, adding transformational life coaching to my services seems a natural progression.

This coaching process is completely aligned with my previous (and current) work and takes it a step further, providing the tools for individuals to access their own wisdom to free themselves from their past patterns and limiting beliefs, experience the present with more awareness and to consciously create their futures.

From my view, it is much more empowering work because the client is in the driver's seat and fully responsible for their own growth and change. It reminds me of the proverb (paraphrasing) “If you give a [person] a fish, you feed [them] for a day. If you teach a [person] to fish, you feed [them] for a lifetime.”

The Coaching Mastery Method emphasizes awareness, acceptance and aligned action. (Taking consistent action steps that are aligned with one's values is what moves the needle.) There are many, many coaches out there and many different approaches. For me, this method is applicable to both personal and professional goals and is more comprehensive and holistic because we work not only on conscious goals, but include the innate wisdom in and information provided by one's body, emotions, thoughts/mind-set, behaviors and accessing all that rich unconscious material. 

Coaching entails several sessions over a period of time (my minimum package length is six weeks and optimally three months or longer) to truly integrate and create lasting, sustainable change. After package completion, I offer once monthly sessions as "maintenance." Receiving coaching from my peers over the course of 2023 has literally been life-changing for me.

I tell my clients that I have either seen it, done it or heard it so no judgments! I have lived a full human life with many chapters, challenges, planned and unexpected changes and lots and lots of learning (always and ongoing). Whether through energy work or coaching, I see you in your wholeness and meet you right where you are with presence, patience, compassion, a bit of levity at times, acceptance and a sincere intention to serve your highest good.

My truest desire is to support my clients (and myself) to become healthier, happier empowered humans at work, in relationships and in life and to have tools and practices to use and share so that the ripple effect creates a healthier, happier world.

If you or someone you know could benefit from my services and are interested in working with me, please reach out and feel free to forward this post. I have contact forms on the contact page on this website. I'm opening my schedule now for new clients beginning the week of March 18, 2024. Once full, you’re welcome to join the wait-list for packages beginning in June 2024.

Also, If you'd like to receive occasional emails or newsletters from me (no more than once per month), please sign up on the contact page on this website. I intend to resume sharing my musings in the near future and I will be updating my website soon. Of course, I will never share or sell your information and you can unsubscribe at any time.

Thank you for your time and interest. I deeply appreciate you.

Forgiveness

When I was younger, I was very self-critical and hated making mistakes.  When living from that place and projecting outward, I had a hard time extending acceptance, much less forgiveness to others who I viewed as having “messed up.”  My immature notion of forgiveness meant that forgiving equaled condoning.  To put it simply, this was a miserable way of being.

I spent the last three decades evolving my ideas and living my experiences of forgiveness and it has radically changed my life for the better.  Forgiveness has been my path to freedom.  There are many layers through which I have moved, but I will begin with the most dramatic shift--true story.

Two years after ending a very difficult relationship, I began to feel that I was literally making myself sick rehashing all the details of the relationship.  Somehow, I remembered a visualization for forgiveness that I’d been given at least ten years earlier.  I began trying to practice the visualization for completely self-serving reasons--to alleviate my own suffering and sure-to-come illness.  I dedicated an entire summer to this practice.  Every day over my lunch hour, I walked with fierce determination, sweating, and imagined.  In the visualization (details in the “Resources” section), one step is to imagine the person in front of you and imagine putting your arms around them.  Even in my mind I could not bring myself to do this, I was filled with so much resentment! I kept at it, committed to breaking through.  I finally resorted to asking for help--”God, make me do this.” Nothing.  One day, I felt the shift and my request changed.  “God, make me willing to do this.”  I am pretty sure this is where “thy will, not my will,” comes in.  I was then able to continue on with the forgiveness practice and I kept it up for many weeks, every day.

At the end of that same summer after returning from vacation, my office said “some man” had been calling me every day for the time I was away.  I couldn’t imagine, since I hadn’t dated anyone for a couple of years.  The following weekend, a man who was a mutual friend of mine and the ex’s took me to dinner and a concert for my upcoming birthday.  He reminded me that the ex was “just looking for love like everybody else.”  I felt another giant boulder of animosity and blame fall off in that moment--my perspective shifted.  On the following Monday, on my 40th birthday, I went to work.  I had barely arrived when the phone rang and it was the ex, with whom I’d not spoken in two years! “Oh, my gosh, are you calling for my birthday”?  “Oh, sorry, no, I forgot--I’m calling to make amends.”  By the time we met, I received his amends, but I didn’t need them--I had utterly and completely forgiven him and myself.  This felt like no small miracle.

A few years later I attended a graduate program in spiritual psychology.  A large component of the practices I learned there focused on forgiveness with yet another layer to add.  Our leaders taught that even though we may say we forgive someone, we can still be stuck with the unconscious judgments we’ve placed against ourselves for having them at all.  I wrote thousands of these sentences and slowly let go of a lifetime of blame.  An example (using that ex) would be, “I forgive myself for judging him as selfish.  I forgive myself for judging myself as weak.”  This may seem like a small addition, but I assure you, this practice is profound.

 In 2003, I was introduced to loving-kindness or metta meditation.  I have continued this practice to this day and without fail, it sets the tone for how I see, perceive and act alone and with others.  (See the “Resources” section for a sample of the meditation).  I begin with loving-kindness for myself and continue until I get to more and more challenging people in my life.

The last important layer came during a silent retreat in 2012.  On the day the teachers talked about forgiveness, one teacher said to be clear that we forgive the perpetrator, not the act and to “make no mistake--forgiveness is not an invitation to have that person remain in your life.”  This was another “aha” moment.

May you find the courage to forgive. May you know the peace and freedom forgiving brings.

Love

Ah, the biggie—love.  How much time, money and energy we spend in our quest for love—that murky, ephemeral feeling.  It is fascinating how relentless we humans are in trying to grasp something that will dissolve in our hands like sugar in water.  Feelings, by their very nature, arise and then pass, time and again.

When I shift my perspective and view love as conduct,  I give love the opportunity to flourish no matter who is (or isn’t) in my life.  Some of my hardest lessons in life have been about discerning the difference between what love in action is, and what it is not.  Over and over, I have been blessed by teachers (in the form of my children, friends, mentors and therapists) who have shown me my error.  “Your help isn’t helping...do not rob someone of their experience...take your hands off.”  This has gone counter to my strong tendency to believe I was a loving person, and loving in my desire to help and heal.

The other challenging and exhausting lesson I’ve had to learn is the parallel between loving myself and loving others.  I tried many times in my life, to pour all my desires for love into another, while I was filled with self-loathing.  It doesn’t work.  It’s hard to admit, but my behavior in the name of love was often manipulative, suffocating and controlling—everything except loving and it came from often unconscious fears and a belief in lack.

A big turning point came a couple of decades ago when I made a concerted and consistent effort to simply love and accept myself as I was—including taking a hard look at all of my “flaws” and accepting them, too.  (This is an ongoing process.)  As I walked my usual hike and bike trail in contemplation,  I experienced one of those moments that literally made me gasp.  I had a moment of grace.  A feeling washed over me that I could only describe as being in love.  I felt giddy, joyful, filled with light and possibility.  I felt connected to everything—the ground, the trees, the water, the birds, the cars, the city—everything.  What was extraordinary was that not a single thing had changed in my outer life.  In my late 30s, I was not in a romantic relationship.  I had financial struggles and I hadn’t even completed my undergrad degree.  Still, I was flooded with the experience of a deep and abiding love that has never left me, no matter my circumstances.  More than a feeling, it was a knowing—this is who I am, who we all are...

Loving life and loving others from this state of being has become easier, clearer and more authentic with time, practice and courage.  I do my best to choose loving actions that honor me and allow others the freedom to choose for themselves. It ain’t always easy.  Of course, like with all learning experiences, I still misjudge and misstep.  I sometimes still feel anger and fear.  I fall back into old patterns.  I course-correct over and again.  I take deep breaths and remember the love within even as I hear all the mind chatter to the contrary.  I keep breathing, holding my tongue until I am able to take responsibility for my feelings.  I wait until my behavior toward others can be congruent with what I know to be true.  Love is a condition of our existence. Loving is a verb.

Include the Excluded

There’s a phrase that I first heard in a Soul Motion® conscious dance class as an exercise-- “include the excluded.”  This was an invitation to shift my way of seeing, way of being and experiencing.  As I reflected upon this, it brought to my awareness everything that was going on in my body--a stiff low back, an achey right hip and a corn between my toes (not to mention a slight feeling of internal tension and anxiety).  My first impulse was to ignore or push away these sensations and my judgments about them.  However, as I just allowed everything to be as it was, breathing into the areas of discomfort as I gently moved with rather than against, the tension began to subside.

That encounter led me to explore further all the ways I tend to resist whatever is happening, including thoughts, feelings and even people with whom I interact.  As I followed this thread, I could see an even broader application and how this goes on constantly in the world.  We reject people and events outside our comfort zones--especially those who seem to be different from us whether in appearance, ideology, income, religion, etc. in spite of our proclamations of tolerance, equality and unity.

My awareness circled back around and helped me recognize how my internal state directly influenced my outer experience.  When I simply softened and relaxed into whatever was present, weaving all the threads together, I found there was nothing to reject or push away.  The more I practiced this, the more I noticed a curiosity and acceptance of others.

When we meet ourselves and others with an openness and willingness to simply feel and explore, we expand our capacity to tolerate discomfort and distress.  Incessant judgment falls away.  Beyond that, if we stay with it, possibilities for new perspectives open up.  We experience an expanded view of life.  When we weave together all the multi-colored and messy threads of who we are as humans, we create a unique and beautiful tapestry of wholeness.  More ease.  More self-acceptance.  More peace.  More love.  This becomes, in my experience, a fuller and more joyful way to live, all without trying to change a thing.  Include the excluded--it’s a simple shift in perspective.

“The real voyage of discovery consists, not in seeking new landscapes, but in having new eyes.”

— Marcel Proust

Rest

Just before Christmas I found myself feeling overwhelmed by the anxious energy of the election aftermath and the holidays.  I tried to participate in all the activities based on old habits--belief in the need to meet what I thought was expected of me, as well as “FOMO”--fear of missing out.  The truth is, I kept pushing it and felt myself developing a respiratory ailment until the Monday before Christmas when I awoke feeling like I’d been hit by a MAC truck.  Everything in my body said, “stop.”  This time, I knew to listen.  For three days I rested, I spoke to no one and didn’t leave my house.  Even though I consciously knew better, as I got quiet, I was surprised to hear my own thoughts still pushing, judging, shaming me for my need to withdraw and rest.

One thing that generally helps me is tuning in to the natural world and the natural rhythm of life.  I’d been through this before, but had forgotten for a time.  The instinct to slow down, spend time in solitude and sleep more in the winter time is natural.  This urge is not laziness or apathy, despite all the shoulds imposed by our social structures or our own beliefs.  Hibernation is necessary.  Dormancy does not mean death.  For us humans, it means that much activity is taking place in the unseen depths of our innermost being, even though things appear to be at a standstill.  Our thoughts, feelings and previous experiences become compost--rich soil from which to grow beautiful new fruit.

So, in December and much of January, I listened to my body and took the rest I needed and guess what? The world did not end because I paused! I avoided illness and felt renewed and replenished. I thoroughly enjoyed a sweet, low-key Christmas Day with my precious son, daughter-in-law and two-year-old granddaughter.

Resisting our need for rest creates more stress.  When we attune our own lives to nature and its cycles, we can be more in harmony within ourselves and actually be more productive once we’ve recharged.  Thus, when we go about our day, we give to our work, our family and friends from fullness and true generosity rather than from depletion.  The ebb and flow are natural, just as the tides come in and go out and the flowers blossom and fade away.  Inhale, exhale.  Take action, rest.  This is the flow of life.

“Stillness is what creates love. Movement is what creates life. To be still and still moving—this is everything.”

— Do Hyun Choe

Reflections on the Election

It’s November, 7, 2016—the eve of the presidential election. There seems to be great tension in the air...tension everywhere.  People seem angry, confused, uncertain, divided.

Whether you are a leader on the world stage, leader of this country, leader in your community, organization or family, or simply a leader of your own life—please, for the love of all that makes life not only bearable, but worth living...listen.  Listen for what lies beneath the words.

I’ve been reflecting on all the vitriol that’s “out there” and in our faces seemingly all the time.  Clearly, many people are expressing a lot of opinions and frustrations.  I keep asking myself what is being expressed and what is not being addressed.  I have seen a few articles asking these same questions.  It seems that we, as a nation, have been acting out.

When a child acts out, most of the time they are doing just that—acting out.  They may act out fear, frustration, impatience or the chaos in their environment because they do not yet have the skill or maturity to articulate clearly with their words.  They are doing their best to communicate with the abilities they have.  It is our job to seek to understand what is at the root of the problem, and address that.

My hope is that regardless of our experiences, beliefs or opinions, we can truly listen to what’s really going on.  I hope that we can remember the “golden rule” and practice that, and treat each and every other living being with respect, dignity and as we would our “little children.” Rather than finger-pointing, blaming and shaming, my hope is that we, as human beings and leaders, will listen to one another with compassion and curiosity, and look for ways to heal what needs healing or solve what needs solving for all of us.  

When we dig into our particular positions, it is impossible to understand another.  When we open our hearts and minds, things can change.  What would our lives be like if we began with the question, “How can we all have what we need?”

Can’t we disagree and still treat one another with kindness, respect and decency? Do unto others as you would have them do unto you.  Walk a mile in their shoes.  Consider what lies beneath and listen with an open heart and mind.  I don’t always get there myself, but I work at it.

I love the old film with Jeff Bridges, “Starman.”  The main thing I remember about that film is that near the end, Starman (an alien) awaits his capture by our government.  He looks at the woman who is helping him and asks, "Shall I tell you one of the things I like most about your species? It is that, when things are at their worst, you are at your best."

We’re all in this...together. Let’s be at our best, even when things seem to be at their worst.

Talking Bodies

In our everyday language, we talk about our body and our awareness of what it communicates.

Have you ever used the phrases, "he/she is a pain in my neck, "that just makes me sick to my stomach," "oh, that really sticks in my craw"? I know I have, long before doing BodyTalk™ work. Our bodies are constantly communicating, but we don't always notice until things get really loud and show up as serious illness or injury. By truly listening and paying attention, we give ourselves the opportunity to choose more wisely for our health and well-being. Maybe that pain in the neck is our innate wisdom guiding us to either shift our perception or make changes in that relationship. Perhaps when your stomach aches after a stressful encounter, you are over-riding your gut instincts. Something stuck in your "craw"? Do you need to honor yourself by respectfully speaking your truth?

We also speak in more positive terms of our bodies/beings when we experience feelings of joy, gratitude, health and well-being (or when we encounter others experiencing those states).  Regarding the new bride or the pregnant mother-to-be, we say, “She is so radiant,” or “she is just glowing”!  When we encounter the ecstatic man who just exceeded his personal best in a race, we might say, “Wow, he just exudes energy and enthusiasm”!

We each possess innate wisdom and our bodies are always communicating our state of affairs. BodyTalk™.  Are you listening?

Consciousness 101

When my youngest son was 14, I took him to a rather unconventional psychotherapist. (My son had been a “good” boy and good student, but began skipping school and making less than stellar grades, so I became concerned.) The therapist gave the most concise, simple explanation of his “job.” He said that everyone has something down in the “basement” that is hidden and “running the show” behind the scenes.

The therapist told my son that his job as a therapist was to shine a light down in the basement and bring whatever was down there to the surface, so it could be seen, dealt with and we could move on.

This explanation helped my son and me understand the difference between thoughts and behaviors that we consciously choose and those that we reactively play out without knowing why.  Those reactive behaviors frequently produce great difficulties and pain for ourselves and others.

Never mind my prior years of frustration and fist-shaking at the sky, questioning why humans are made this way--couldn’t we skip right to consciousness? I worked so hard trying to figure things out and thought I was fairly savvy. Why, then, after hundreds of books and dozens of self-improvement courses and countless hours of fretting later did I keep repeating self-sabotaging patterns, behaviors and challenging relationship dynamics? (Sound familiar?)  Why did nearly every one I know do the same? How on earth could I bring all that was down in my dark, dank basement (and there’s a lot down there!) to the light and experience some peace?  

More fist-shaking ensued. How? Just show me how! I finally began to get the whole “this is where the rubber meets the road” thing and the difference between theory and practice. I started with baby steps (more manageable that way).  I started slowing way, way down and attending--noticing and listening.  Sometimes I heard lots and lots of judgment.  Thank you for sharing. Then I learned to notice and feel.  Do I feel tension anywhere in my body? Do I feel anxious? Do I feel relaxed? How’s my breathing? Do I feel grounded or spacey?  Are my thoughts spinning out in all directions, distracting me or am I able to focus on the task at hand?  Often, just listening, noticing and feeling--were enough to disrupt the pattern or the story I had been telling myself over and over and over.  That doesn’t necessarily make whatever I’m experiencing feel less painful, but it’s a start.  I had teachers, therapists, mentors, trusted friends and advisors help me “shine the light” along the way, but things did not begin to shift until I practiced.  Pause.  Take a breath.  Attend.  Listen to my body--there’s so much information and wisdom there.  Reach out to someone I trust when I’ve hit a road block and I simply can’t see.

I had a Buddhist teacher tell me that we all “wake up” and “fall asleep” a thousand times a day.  It is an ongoing practice to wake up, and to offer compassion to ourselves when we fall asleep.  There are many paths, teachers, teachings.  I have a few that I enjoy.  It is up to each of us to discover what works for us.

Most of the time these days, I experience life with ease, joy and great gratitude.  However, I still sometimes go “unconscious” and that ease, joy and gratitude fly right out the window.  Last winter, I was house-sitting at high elevation and a huge snow storm occurred--several days of wet, heavy snow without cessation.  I was alone over Christmas and was popping Hershey’s kisses and watching the news in between hours on end of snow shoveling. By Christmas Eve, I had a melt down.  I felt utterly alone and in despair about the happenings in the world. I let myself have a big cry, then called a friend and asked her to just listen.  By slowing down and talking out loud, I realized that I was fatigued, I hadn’t nourished my body well, I had isolated myself and I was watchingnothing but the news--rarely an uplifting act.  My friend offered a listening ear and tender compassion.  I made myself a good meal, asked for help with shoveling, turned off the TV and went to bed.  I woke up the next morning feeling refreshed, supported and grateful for the love and beauty in my life.

We wake up.  We fall asleep.  A thousand times a day.